Part 3: Fifty Shades of Grey Chapters 7-11
When I left you, I was wondering if there was actual BDSM in this book, hell if there was sex in this book. I’m relieved(?) to report that there has been sex at least. BDSM, I’m still waiting.
Ok, so to recap, we have our heroine who is in desperate need of a penis and a hero who just has nothing better to do. The heroine aptly describes him as a white knight with a dark side. And ladies, I kid you not, he would not be out of place in King Arthur’s court. Literally.
Chapter 7 is a bit of exposition about the rules of BDSM. Also, I want the record to show that I made that needing a penis remark before it was revealed that she’s a virgin! Seriously, she’s a virgin and you’re still gonna do this Christian? LMAO he’s going to “make love” to her to initiate her. Reluctantly, I might add cause he doesn’t “make love” – he fucks hard! Hold up. Can you “make love” to some one you just met and admittedly don’t love? Are they afraid to just have sex?
Holy shit! This Ana girl can say fuck but not pussy? I don’t know what to make of this line: “He gives me a wicked grin, the effects of which travel all the way down there.” Real talk – a person who cannot even think the word vagina should not be having sex. Since when does desire pool in one’s belly? And she doesn’t even masturbate? What! Come on, come the hell on. Why is she even in this man’s apartment then, instead of saving herself or at least attempting to cultivate a relationship? Can that happen? You’ve lived 21 years of your life not even an inkling of attraction for anyone, not even the slightest trace of puberty and then you meet a guy and that it, you’re ready for him to turn you inside out like a trick?
Needless to say I’m having issues with this scene and it only seems to be getting worse. Which name is he calling out Ana cause he sure as hell has never called you that! And why is creep-o still wearing a shirt. Is that how you “make love”, fool? Really, now you going to fuck her a second time? She’s a virgin. She’s a virgin and orgasming and shit. She’s fucking a guy who won’t let her touch him. In reality, this girl would be putting on a brave front to this creep, then rushing to the bathroom to cry and wash away her tears. Then spend like 10 years in therapy. I swear to God, if she says “Oh my” one more time…
I am so torn right now, because really I have to give E. L. James some props for writing such a long love scene. That shit is hard to do without being repetitive, and ridiculous. But at the same time – damn this scene is hella long! And for some reason I am just not connecting with it. I read romance. I’m not a dedicated romance lover but I have read scenes by Judith McNaught and Nora Roberts and even some unknown authors and I was able to get into them and enjoy them. By the time he makes her suck her taste of his thumb and she tastes blood – I have had it. I am checked out. Goodnight folks!
Sigh, we’re done with the “love making”. Then we have breakfast. Ugh, what is with this food thing? I hate it when an author has to belabor a point so. Ok, I get it he hates wasted food. I get that he must have been starved before he was adopted or some other shit. I don’t need to be reminded every 10 pages. Note to aspiring authors out there, give the readers some credit. We’re not 5.
Ok, almost there, almost to the end of my daily reading allotment. Whew, feels like a marathon. Whoo-hoo, shout out to Barbados! Big up to all my Caribbean peoples… Seriously – you’re just gonna stick this whole contract in here? Why does this feel like padding? Have you no story to tell?
Alright, it’s done. And frankly, I’m glad. I would like to hear from a person who found these chapters enjoyable. I’m sorry but, things like this: “his gaze is a scorching, molten grey” are not commonly found in books I like to read. Supposedly there are men who choose to read this. Yeah, <snicker> I believe that. So there endeth part 3 and as I have committed to finishing this book, you can stick around if you can stand it. I believe in redemption, so let’s see if this book can eventually prove it’s worth.
P. S. – (This note is specifically for two of my reader/editors, one of whom recommends this book) She used the word sternum in the love scene! Ha!